Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
