clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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