i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
