i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
