one two three fourrrrnication!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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