Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
