She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I understand Curling. That high.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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