My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
