remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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