Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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