you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My balls are so social today.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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