so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
