just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
