the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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