Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
