the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
