we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
