When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
