He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
