I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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