I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
