May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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