Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
