pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
