She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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