I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
