In the future we'll all be gay
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
