Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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