Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
