I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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