A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
