Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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