If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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