Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
