Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
