Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
