HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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