I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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