yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
