I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
should my penis look like a turkey
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
