I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
