Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
