dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
