I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
