Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
