He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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