I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
