Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
