I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
