Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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