Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
