Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
