im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
